Gold Relationship Style
According to the simple assessment you just completed, the majority of your relationship preferences are associated with the Gold Temperament as defined by the Four Lenses/Insight Personality System.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a primary temperament of Gold, but that you prefer to relate with others in Gold ways. This could be by choice, or it could reflect the way you were trained. Either way, you will be attracted to, and most comfortable with people who treat you the way you want to be treated.
I am interested in forming serious, long-term, legal relationships that contain vows, bonds, and covenants which support traditional social values. In other words, I want a stable, reliable partner with whom I can have a faithful relationship. I’m looking for someone who is willing to commit to a lifetime of love, support, and companionship. A committed relationship can be fun, exciting, and rewarding if both parties provide each other with the unconditional love, respect, and support that is both earned and deserved.
If you’re looking to build an intimate relationship with me, then you should consider how you will contribute to the security and protection that both of us need. I don’t want you to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect you to be willing to work alongside me. We’re partners in this effort, both contributing our time, talents, and energy to keep us safe and strong. Both of us have assets and preferences that we bring to our union, and we should figure out how to maximize those for our mutual well-being. The best way you can show that you truly love me is to be willing to contribute to the strength and resilience we need to survive and thrive in the world.
Caution and prudence are necessary components in my relationships. By that I mean, I am happy with my partner doesn’t jump into something just because he or she feels like it. Before we do something, we ask ourselves, “Will this be good for us?” and if the answer is no, we move on. The problem with some people is that they rush into things without really thinking about the consequences to themselves and others. It’s precisely why most traditional relationship rules and cultural norms exist. They build social stability and maintain time-tested structures, like marriage and family, and we ought to give them deference. Similarly, we ought to give deference to our loved ones and make sure they always feel empowered to make decisions and lead out. That doesn’t mean we surrender all of our personal power to our partners, but that we constantly try to come together to make unified decisions. Meekness is having power but choosing not to use it, and there is nothing wrong with showing our loved ones a fair amount of meek compliance borne out of mutual love and respect.
If someone wanted to show that they loved me, they would help me take care of my essential needs. I’m not only talking about the Maslowian needs like food, clothing, shelter, safety, job security, friendship, esteem, and so on. I’m also talking about the core principles and standards I value most in life, such as the need to exhibit self-discipline, show dedication, maintain order, appreciate prudence, conserve traditions, fulfill responsibilities, and complete tasks. I need those around me to respect the value I place on these things and help me regularly achieve them.
In my most significant relationships, I can be counted on to do my part, if not more than my part, to build a meaningful, lasting association. Because I am willing to invest a substantial amount of time and energy, I need my partner to show appreciation for my efforts, even if it is a simple acknowledgement or a thank-you. The ultimate way they can show appreciation is to treat me with decency, honor, fidelity, and graciousness. They need to be courteous and polite, always showing good manners. This level of civility and decency indicates that you respect the other person and take the relationship seriously.
As a fairly organized and systematized person, I like to keep track of my progress as I fulfill my duties and obligations. Checklists, schedules, and calendars are important tools to help me stay on track so I can complete everything on time and under budget. I love the thrill of satisfaction you feel when you successfully complete a task and can cross it off your list. When I’m in a relationship, that sensation is magnified when I am working alongside them in some sort of coordinated effort. Completing important things together, even mundane household chores, brings a sense of cohesion and perseverance to our relationship. Investing in these connections takes time, patience, and dedication, but it will enrich the value of our partnership and will likely pay dividends far into the future.
When it comes to building an intimate relationship with me, you should avoid doing anything that might harm or jeopardize it. Lying, cheating, deception, withholding information—these things sink a relationship faster than a torpedo. Nor do you want to engage in high-risk activities like financial speculation, gambling, and other volatile investments. Spending unwisely, exceeding budgets, amassing debt, declaring bankruptcy—avoid these irresponsible behaviors like the plague. Acting in ways that are not socially acceptable, improper, immoral, or rebellious are also destructive to a stable relationship. To me, these kinds of behaviors indicate you need to grow up and develop more maturity.
It’s important to understand the difference between being faithful and communicating faithfulness. Remaining loyal and committed to your partner is vital, of course, but so is communicating the things that you love about them. For example, you could tell them how much you appreciate their sense of dedication or the amount of hard work they do on your behalf. While it isn’t always necessary to constantly repeat the words, “I love you,” you can certainly show that sentiment by persistently and conscientiously doing nice things for each other, such as sacrificing a day off to spend the day cleaning and organizing the garage. This kind of expression is an effective way of conveying your devotion because it proves you are giving up something you want for something that I want.
I am looking for a permanent partner who knows how to stay driven and directed towards their goals and empowers those around them to also achieve their own objectives. Empowerment means having the intrinsic strength to be your best self, the ability to prioritize and make choices that matter to those around you, and the self-discipline to live life in a way that is true to who you could be and ought to be. We all have internal battles and external challenges that can feel like they are stopping us from being our best selves. But a well-chosen partner can provide that strength when you are feeling weak, and when they are feeling weak, you can give them some of your power. This mutual, reciprocal exchange enlivens, elevates, embellishes, and enriches your relationships.
It is important for me, and those around me, to be as self-reliant as possible because life is always unpredictable, regardless of the level of status or security you have already earned. Diseases, dissensions, disputes, disabilities, disadvantages, and disappointments are more likely to occur than not, so it is a primary priority to be as prepared for them as practically possible. Secondarily, having a trusted network of family, friends, and neighbors is also reassuring, especially when major things happen that affect all of us, like civil unrest, food shortages, pandemics, floods, earthquakes, and other natural disasters. While we should try to be as self-sufficient as possible, we also have a civic duty and a responsibility as a human to help those we care about become more able to stand on their own two feet. The best personal and social relationships are formed by strong individuals working together on common goals.
How Golds Stabilize Relationships
- Creating order out of chaos
- Exhibiting discipline and self-control
- Setting and achieving objectives and goals
- Paying attention to details and minutiae
- Following rules and directions with exactness
- Sticking to routines, schedules, and deadlines
- Keeping records accurately and meticulously
- Taking responsibility for their actions
- Fulfilling their obligations and commitments
- Being prepared for emergencies
- Policing, protecting, and defending others
- Conserving and allocating resources
- Sticking to a task until it is completed
- Keeping others focused on the task at hand
- Maintaining traditions and following customs
- Sacrificing for the good of the organization
- Bringing stability and structure to the world
How Golds Cause Stress
- Working too hard
- Being inflexible or unchangeable
- Becoming obsessed with unimportant details
- Trying to control too much
- Taking on too many responsibilities—can’t say “no”
- Being bossy and domineering
- Being too strict or stern
- Demanding or expecting too much from others
- Being pessimistic, gloomy, apocalyptic
- Being judgmental or preachy
- Imposing values on others
- Being ultra-conservative or reactionary
- Keeping their “heads in the sand”
- Being prudish or strait-laced
- Being high-strung, anxious, up-tight
- Worrying, fretting, and agonizing over little things
- Following the letter of the law with exactness
- Concentrating on production, quotas, statistics
- Being a bureaucrat, do-gooder, apple-polisher
- Planning and preparing in excess
- Rigidly following agendas and schedules
- Being obsessive or compulsive
- Not being able to stop themselves from giving advice
- Inability to relax and take what comes
- Getting lost in the details and missing the big picture
- Getting stuck in a rut
- Being too formal, boring, stuffy
How to Enhance Your Character
If you are a Gold, you probably possess some outstanding qualities such as assertiveness, concern, discipline, obedience, and persistence. These strengths come naturally to you and will help you find success. But have you maximized these virtues as well as the eight others that are associated with your temperament, or is there still room for improvement? And how are you doing at some of the other attributes that make people even more successful, such as compassion, gratitude, humility, tolerance, concentration, accuracy, efficiency, foresight, candor, courage, impact, initiative, and persuasiveness?
If you would like to measure how much virtue you currently possess, then please complete the Maturity Assessment on this website. It is free to you as part of your subscription. Then, if you want to work on your weaknesses and turn them into strengths, check out the 7, 13-minute Gaining Virtue lessons on each of the 52 virtues. Before long, you will be even more successful!