Blue Relationship Style
According to the simple assessment you just completed, the majority of your relationship preferences are associated with the Blue Temperament as defined by the Four Lenses/Insight Personality System.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a primary temperament of Blue, but that you prefer to relate with others in Blue ways. This could be by choice, or it could reflect the way you were trained. Either way, you will be attracted to, and most comfortable with people who treat you the way you want to be treated.
I am a relationship-centered person. My greatest happiness in life is often found in my interactions with others and I am constantly striving to build worthwhile, meaningful friendships with others. Because I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I would also like to bond with a soulmate who also wants to create an intimate, heartfelt, nurturing family relationship. I am not looking for a “love at first sight” type of relationship, or one that is purely physical or fun, but a relationship that endures because you both want to work together to overcome life’s challenges. I want to partner with someone who is open and honest, who is willing to be there for you when you need them, who will support you and help you through the good times and the bad times.
A unique romantic gesture is a special and memorable gift that your loved one gives to you. It can be anything from a flower bouquet, to some new clothes, a candlelit dinner, or a little thoughtful note. It doesn’t have to be something huge or costly, like a dreamy trip to an exotic location, although that would be absolutely wonderful. It just needs to be something that shows they put a little thought and effort into it, not something they picked up last-minute at a convenience store in an attempt to get out of the doghouse. The more unique and original it is and the more unexpected—the better. I just need occasional reminders that they still love me.
I like to surround myself with people who genuinely care about me. This means they need to be emotionally intelligent and aware of their own feelings. They also need to understand how they react to those feelings, as well as how to recognize the feelings and reactions of others. They need to be both open-minded and open-hearted, driven by their sense of compassion to care about others. Compassion is important because it’s what makes us human. It allows us to help and assist others in altruistic ways, without requiring reciprocation. It allows us to conciliate and compromise, which is the glue that holds relationships together.
I spend a considerable amount of time working on my relationships because time is the only thing everyone has the same amount of. When I give someone my time, or they give me theirs, it is treated as a precious gift. If they are unwilling to spend enough time with me, then the relationship isn’t likely to go very fast or very far. I’m not demanding they spend all of their free time with me, nor am I trying to control their life in any way. I’m just asking that they remain willing to spend part of it with me. Intimacy is only developed by regularly spending time sharing special events, meals, recreational activities, housework, exercise, feelings, thoughts, politics, religion—even silence in a shared space. It doesn’t really matter what we do, just as long as we do it together.
I want to be treated by my loved ones with approval and thoughtfulness. I treat others as if they were a treasure that I have been given to cherish and I would hope they would feel the same about me. I believe in tolerance and tenderness for all living things. I am supportive and protective of others, championing those who need encouragement. I do not take anything for granted. I love to travel and explore new places and meet people from different cultures. I enjoy meeting people from all walks of life.
I hunger for the wonders and passions of romance because I am a hopeless romantic. I want to believe in true love, happy endings and happily ever afters. I want to believe that true love does exist, even though I’ve experienced more heartache than I care to remember. I know that real life is not always as perfect or as dramatic as the movies would have you believe. I know that real life is not always filled with rainbows and butterflies. But there are also times when the stars align, and things work out just perfectly for the right people.
You may have heard many people say that you shouldn’t get involved with someone unless he or she is sincere. If you’re looking for a relationship where you feel safe, then you should definitely avoid getting into one with someone who isn’t trustworthy. Nor do you want to be in a situation where you feel intimidated or oppressed by your partner. If you’re hoping to build an intimate relationship, then you need to know how to communicate effectively without anger, contention, and any form of abuse.
When you are in a relationship with me, you will want to be able to communicate your feelings and emotions clearly. This means being honest about your perceptions and open about your expectations. It is impossible to build intimacy without clarity, honesty, and sincerity. Like a human lie detector, I have the ability to sniff out duplicity and deception. If I sense that you are being less than honest, it takes away from the trust and unity that is so desirable and makes for a healthy and mutually-beneficial relationship. When disagreements arise, which they will, don’t make it personal. If anyone feels like they are starting to lose control of their emotions, give each other some time and space to cool off.
When you’re trying to build an intimate relationship, it’s important to make sure that your partner is willing to set aside their own perspectives from time-to-time and show genuine empathy. The ability to “walk a mile in your shoes” is a relatively rare, but wonderful gift because it allows you to truly understand someone better. It allows you to discover how someone interprets their life experiences, thinks about their current challenges, and feels about their history. When you begin to experience what they are feeling and thinking, then you will be given the priceless ability to deliver meaningful words of encouragement and inspiration, as well as genuine comfort and consolation.
Happiness is more than feelings of pleasure. It is more than the state of being positive, contented, and satisfied. It is the indescribable joy that comes from being in a relationship with someone who truly loves you more than they love themselves. This joy can be present even in times of sickness, suffering, and sorrow; in times of difficulty, disaster, and deprivation. This is also the type of selfless partner I aspire to become. This isn’t a condition that is achieved overnight, but after years of ever-increasing amounts of selfless acts of love. My greatest wish in life is to be attached to someone with whom I can develop this caliber of connection, even if it isn’t fully reciprocated. True love doesn’t keep score or try to balance the scales. It is about loving someone the way they want to be loved.
How Blues Strengthen Relationships
- Acknowledging and appreciating the efforts of others
- Communicating with ease, warmth, and authenticity
- Helping others feel significant and good about themselves
- Being a peacemaker and a calming influence
- Championing the oppressed, abused, and neglected
- Helping people find their passion and purpose in life
- Recruiting volunteers to join and support their causes
- Giving people as much of their time as needed
- Encouraging others to express their individuality
- Building and strengthening interpersonal relationships
- Listening with genuine empathy and compassion
- Recognizing and drawing out the best in people
- Sacrificing personal desires for other people
- Getting individuals to work together and compromise
- Acting as a positive and inspirational mentor and role model
- Ministering to the needs of others unselfishly
- Bringing harmony and unity to the world
How Blues Cause Stress
- Being overly sentimental
- Wearing their feelings on their sleeves
- Talking too much
- Being too idealistic—not being realistic
- Not planning ahead and thinking about the future
- Reading too much into things
- Obsessing over minor hurtful comments
- Blowing things out of proportion
- Being too passive—not being assertive
- Being sugary sweet
- Being too generous or charitable
- Being too trusting, gullible, naïve
- Letting others make difficult decisions
- Suppressing unpleasant emotions until they explode
- Having difficulty in setting priorities and goals
- Being blindly loyal to undeserving people or causes
- Failing to see others’ point-of-view
- Avoiding conflict and confrontation
- Sweeping problems under the rug
- Being absorbed in the lives of other people
- Attempting to please everyone
- Lashing out at others when strained
- Overextending themselves
- Overindulging or spoiling other people
- Accepting abuse from other people
- Frequently talking about personal issues
How to Enhance Your Character
If you are a Blue, you probably possess some awesome qualities such as accessibility, compassion, friendliness, tolerance, and unity. These strengths come naturally to you and will help you find success. But have you maximized these virtues as well as the eight others that are associated with your temperament, or is there still room for improvement? And how are you doing at some of the other attributes that make people even more successful, such as concern, discipline, persistence, concentration, accuracy, efficiency, foresight, adaptability, candor, impact, and optimism?
If you would like to measure how much virtue you currently possess, then please complete the Maturity Assessment on this website. It is free to you as part of your subscription. Then, if you want to work on your weaknesses and turn them into strengths, check out the 7, 13-minute Gaining Virtue lessons on each of the 52 virtues. Before long, you will be even more successful!